I love comments! Give it up for the two!

I am reading the book by Mariane Pearl called A Mighty Heart, about her husband Danny Pearl, the Wall Street Journal reporter kidnapped in Pakistan and killed. I'm sure I'll talk more about it later. What's triggered my train of thought today? - her recalled details of the first conversation she ever had with Danny. One idea - "we discussed how people who leave their homeland also leave their frame of reference."

Frame of reference. I think that explains why I have been so indecisive, feeling in the dark, and giving in to self doubt. Months ago, when I left the country, I also left behind what little frame of reference I still had. When I left, I think I lost it for good. I'm not sure what that means, but I don't think I am alone.

Speaking of indecisive. Decisions. Yesterday I had 4 phone calls related to my old job. One from the lady who now has my position, one from a girl who worked for me last year and is working there again, one from the lady who formerly had my position, and one from my close personal friend who has worked there for years. Crazy times. Even though I know the stability of me staying there probably would have been best, I am very confident that getting out was better. I get to put that decision, especially with the doubts I have, in my "good learning experience" folder.

On the other hand I have been struggling with the outcome of two decisions I made recently. One stopped something that had been going on for 2 years, and the other stopped something that had been "going on" for something like 2 weeks. I do not have the confidence about those decisions like I had about quiting my job. Despite everything, I find myself still wanting to go down one of those roads. The 2 year decision is a frame of reference that I can acknowledge, even though it was rather screwed up. I want the comfort of that familiar frame. The 2 week decision, well I have no frame of reference for it - I felt out of my element, but at the same time strangely in the middle of it. I don't know if I should distance myself from it or try to get more, so I act like a rollercoaster - up and down. Plus, having empty days of waiting - no job, no school, lots of sitting and reading - my mind tends to over-analyze and I do feel like I am all alone - the only one still struggling with these decisions.